Another year, another Metalfest. If you've been to metalfest before, you should know the routine by now: 4 stages, 2 bands playing at any given time. The bands tend towards the extreme side of metal.

I arrived at about 3:45, and left close to 2:00 a.m. I guess I'll start off with events, since that should be shorter.

They had a few bands for autograph signings: Tad Morose and Arch Enemy were the most notable. Especially Arch Enemy. The line went most of the way across the main arena floor, and was still halfway there when they stopped the signing. Tad Morose was almost dead.

They had some porn star signing autographs. A check of the website reveals her porn name is Saki. She was nasty looking, with a terrible complexion and nasty cellulite-laden legs. How is she in porn? And WHAT does she have to do with metal?

There was some pro-wrestling going on Jerry Lynn was the main event, with guys from Mid-American wrestling filling up the rest of the roster. I wasn't paying too much attention.

Finally on to music. I didn't make every performance, but what I tried to do was to go from stage to stage and see if something grabbed my attention. Since most of it was filler, let's go over bands that caught my attention for better or worse...

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Aesma Deva - A doomy-goth band with a female singer. Is that Dark metal, I don't know. Some people seemed to really get into it, but I thought it was cheesy. Since the music didn't grab me, and they were obviously trying to exploit her, you should know that her vocals were cheesy, she wore castanets, and aped a bellydancer's movements. Needless to say, they don't have to worry about losing their jobs to her.

Cthonic - "We are Chthonic from Taiwan, and this is our song ___" That's how every song was prefaced. The music was "blackish" metal ala Cradle of Filth or Dimmu. I can't vouch for lyrical content since several of their songs were in Chinese. I couldn't distinguish lyrics for the english songs, if indeed any were english. I'm not a fan of black metal or "blackish" metal, but they played very tightly, and managed to keep me interested. At one point the singer brought out a chinese instrument and used it, looks like a lute, held like a cello. It gave that song a different vibe.

Ezurate - It was the first black/blackish metal band I saw there. Nothing special. I don't think they used keyboards, which was refreshing.

Idiom - A pseudo-metal band that has a xylophone player/singer in it. The most interesting thing was watching the xylophone being played. The music was nothing special at all.

Premonition - "We're premonition, and we're from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida!" Does this ring a bell? The music had a glamish feel to it, though it wasn't glam metal. It was just the vibe, I guess. I'd give it a second listen.

Vehemence - WOW. Let me say that again, ***WOW***. This band was playing and for some reason from the moment they started, they had my full attention. Perhaps it was a certain passion in the lead growler's voice, Je ne c'est quoi. But they set the standard for the evening.

Tad Morose - Very interesting band. Think of a mix of melodic heavy rock ala current Amorphis, and Jag Panzer and you'll have an idea. Thankfully no keyboards, that certainly would have made the music fey, although no more than the lead singers shiny golden leather pants. Is he trying to tell us something?

Decapitated - Polish death metal, though they're no Vader. Still, they were very tight, and they ended with a Slayer cover, I forgot what.

Hate Eternal - I only bring this up because on many of the Nile/AE reviews they get slagged. I'm going to settle this right now: They don't suck, but they didn't interest me either.

Onward - Power metal. Yuck.

Macabre - Songs ranging from serial killers to Jeffrey Dahmer's childhood playing with dead animals, this band is terribly wrong and really funny. Them boys ain't right...

Arch Enemy - Perhaps I'm crazy, but I liked older Arch Enemy. I don't see what Angela Gossow brings to them that their old singer didn't. Growling is growling, who cares if it's male or female? I just don't dig her as a singer. None of the newer songs stood out to me. None of them.

Nile - Barra edinazzu! The entire reason I went to Metal Fest this year. How were they? Spectacular. The new material was good, though blast beats are constant (for those that hate blast beats). The only old songs they played were The Howling of the Djinn and Black Seeds of Vengeance. They were very tight, and with production sounding as shitty as it did with "Black Seeds", the songs were actually CLEARER. Figure that out. Still, a great band, a great vibe, and well worth seeing.

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Other cool things:

You should have seen the warm reception the few mallcore bands got: Nobody paid attention to them. Mostly after every song, the only repsonse they got was assorted "Fuck Yous" coming from the crowd. I must be fair. For one band, one person clapped.

A quick test to see if you're gay. Do your members: a. Imitate Flea from the Chilli Peppers b. Jump up and down like Korn or c. Crouch down in a ball and screech lyrics? If the answer to any of these is "yes", you're an ass-hopper. Unquestionably and unchangably gay. Kill yourself, now. You're even more gay than golden leather pants.

And one other thing, for all of those who think that metal is a look as well as music, you're dead wrong. Karl from nile went on stage wearing bluejeans and a green shirt. Not a t-shirt, because it had a small collar and some buttons. If there is such a thing as "being metal" that's it: function over form.

I met the guys from Waco Jesus. I ended up giving them a lift down to the bars downtown. They were pretty cool. We waxed philisophic on Tom Jones and why Anal Blast sucks.

I met some of the guys from Susperia. Most famous because of ex-Dimmu drummer Tjodalv, and other member who had been in Old Man's Child and done session work for Satyricon. Very cool guys, I spent a bit of time discussing Norway (I've got Norwegian blood) and drum technique with Tjodalv.

Nile!! After the show I got to talk with Karl for a bit, and quite a bit of time with Chief disussing the show, the tour, stuff like that. The funniest part was that 2 girls were hitting on Pete and he took them backstage somewhere. Soon after Chief disappeared, and Dallas hadn't been seen for a while. Nile does their own setup and teardown, and that left Karl to do everything by himself. It was funny to watch everyone make themselves scarce..

Saturday. I was damn tired from the night before, since I spent all night working on the Day 1 Review.

I arrived at about 3:45, and left close to 2:00 a.m again. I realized that I probably missed some bands, but quite frankly I'm not that concerned. I'm sure the smaller bands will be back next year.

They had a few bands for autograph signings: Susperia and Dew Scented. Chuck Billy, Exodus, and Vio-Lence were signing today.

No extraneous activities today. No mud wrestling, tractor pulls, or whatever other gimmick Koshick uses.

The same rules apply to how I checked acts out today as yesterday.

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Daylight Dies - Doom/Thrash. They were pretty good.

Brick Bath - A thrashy speedy band. They had a Panterish vibe to them. The singer reminded me of Phil Anselmo

Leuokorrhea - A death metal band. Very low growls, and the rhythm section had it's act together.

Waco Jesus - As I mentioned yesterday, I hung out with these guys for a while. The music was pretty good, mostly death with some grindy parts. They really whipped the crowd into a frenzy. In fact, starting with them, the back room was packed for the next few hours. With song titles like "Pussy Obliteration". I think we safely say this isn't the most sophisticated of bands, but the energy was very cool.

Yakuza - There are some bands that you should hear in an album format before you see a live show. Yakuza is one of them. They are a metal/jazz fusion band. They did things that are almost unheard of in metal: they actually have completely distinctively different parts and feel to a song. They just didn't come through clearly on the mix. An album would clear that up. I hope to hear more good things from them soon.

Amber Asylum - A goth band. They didn't use guitars much, mostly bass/cello/drums/violin. I can't say that these people were heavy metal. It would have been more interesting in another setting. Still, they drew a large crowd. And hell, with bands doing more and more experimental things (think Agalloch and Yakuza), maybe things like this are the future of metal.

Kataklysm - Death/Thrash. I noticed the singer the most. He had a very full range of screams and growls. Very intense.

Susperia - Thrash/Death. Reminded me of a more NWOSDM feel. I liked them much better than Dimmu Borgir or any of the other bands that members had been in. The music wasn't spectacular, but they knew how to put on a show. They really got the audience involved.

Jag Panzer(!!) - The surprise of the evening. I hadn't heard much Jag Panzer before. This made a believer out of me. The songs were excellent, the sound was clear, and everyone is a great musician. Most importantly the guys were really friendly. I spent quite a bit of time with Mark and Chris talking about everything from the business to their live setup. It's unique.  

Dew Scented - Thrash. I didn't get into them.

Vio-Lence/Exodus/Dragonlord - I guess I just wasn't in a thrash mood, because I just didn't get into them. Musically they were very good, I was just tired and my feet were killing me from being on them all day. I left after Exodus. I was beat and I knew that I wasn't thinking critically anymore.
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Awards:

The "Damn Dirty Ape" award for proving that Humans are still Primates goes to the mosh pit morons. I'm really starting to hate mosh pits. And not just because they opened up right next to me nearly every time. But because of the stupidity of the people moshing. There is no need to push unsuspecting people around just because your lobes are smooth, and the only way you can experience neural stimulation is to bash into things.  
One of those assholes started a tiff that distracted the audience attention during Nile (and hats off to Chief from Nile for trying to diffuse the situation), another knocked over a guy on crutches. The guy was so angry that he got as good of a running start as he could and took a swing at the guy who knocked him down.  
Evolve, asspipes.

The "Ebeneezer Scrooge" award for saving money is to the vendors present. I realize that the price was the same as on the website, but I didn't have to pay taxes or shipping. It was a deal. Extra kudos to The End for making Agalloch's new album available early.  

The "P.T. Barnum" award for proving that there's a sucker born every minute goes to Anal Blast. They were able to generate a great crowd response by getting everyone to curse Jack Koshick . Unbeknownst to most of the crowd, one of the members is one of Koshick's business partners in the Metalfest venture. Playing off the ignorance of the masses for your own promotion, smart.

The "Marine Recon" award for best ability to "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome" goes to the singer/saxophonist of Yakuza. His instrument mike wasn't working, so instead of sailing on a sinking ship, he abandoned it by using his vocal mike. Good thinking on his part.

The "Titanic" for being too blind to see that your ship is about to sink is Jack Koshick. If you have a third of the people at your show screaming for your head at a show (Anal Blast), you have problems. You need to get your shit together, because rest assured a Chicago Metalfest would be much more successful than a Milwaukee Metalfest would be. Travel, accommodations, extra-venue events are much better in Chicago. God help you if a rival show were to start up in Las Vegas...

Still, it was overall a good show. Unless a miracle drops on my head and I can go to Wacken next year, I'll be back. I just hope that some changes are made soon.

Best Acts:
Nile
Jag Panzer
November's Doom
Yakuza

{Review added with permission from http://the-ivory-tower.cjb.net/}